For instance today at work a patient walked in, signed the appointment log, and walked away. I was in the back for a few minutes wrapping up something else, when I came back to the front to check the log. I say the patients name, but got no response. I go into the frame room, thinking she was looking at glasses, said her name again..no response. My mind began to blame me..or else my heart. One deceived me. I began to anxiously look around, thinking that maybe she felt like her wait was too long and left. My fault! Maybe she didn't see me and thought it was a rude business. My fault! I even asked some of my co-workers if they knew her. Again her departure was my fault! I return again to the front after my inquiries, and there she sat. I even told her that I thought that she might have left because her wait might have been too long. She looked at me and smiled and said, "No dear, I am not like that, I was only in the restroom..your fine, really!" She smiled at me..I felt relief.
So then why did I take her departure and place into the my back pack anyways? Because Tracy...its always your fault! Or so my heart deceives me by telling me that ..my mind deceives me as well. Jesus said my yoke is easy my burden is light...did I hear that right? His yoke is easy?? So why some days does it feel so heavy? His burden is light? So why does it feel like...like butter cream frosting instead of "whipped"?? Does the lady in photo have to carry all the load? Who loaded her backpacks? Lets say for instance she loaded the packs. Is that what I do? Every time I think someone might be upset or angry, why I do I think that I did something? Because I load that unto myself. Maybe that is why the Lords yoke feels heavy and His burden is back breaking? I....me..I...me....I....me....keeps getting in the way. I keep loading everything on myself. So if someone is in a bad mood at work...it is not me...its them...it is their heart issue. If a patient comes up to the desk and immediately is angry..is it me personally or is it their heart issue? I mean there is nicer ways to converse with people, be it from my angle or theirs..right? So if some one chooses to talk to you or not to talk to you..is it me..or is it them? If someone wants to "bite your head off" for nothing..its probably not my issue... its theirs. I can only control me and my attitude.
Ever since I began to read John Eldredge's book, Walking with God, Satan has been throwing me into a whirl wind of attacks. Can I say that when you began...I mean anything...good, just expect for bad things to start to happen. Bad feelings, bad emotions, equals trying to better yourself. You say.. that's the opposite? Bingo! Do good...the more bad will come your way! That has been my experience lately. Page 52 of his book quotes:
"But there is another major awakening. The next epiphany in our journey of faith is coming to realize that Satan exists. And that we have to deal with him too. We come to realize that he is not to be ignored either. I'm sorry to say that this awakening is uncommon, even among the followers of Christ-despite the fact that Scripture is filled with warnings of an enemy."
Good news though! Resist the devil and he will flee from you....at least that is what the Bible says to do. Are you stumped yet? Yep..me too. Resist chocolate...resist ice cream...cookie dough ice cream or what ever your favorite flavor is...it is really, really, really hard! But it can be done, because through Christ we can do anything because He strengthens us! How do we get that strength? Simply.... pray....(which I do not do enough of.)
Page 20 of John Eldredge's book really pulls it together for me:
"This is good news...all of the other things we long for in life-love and friendship, freedom and wholeness, clarity or purpose, all the joy we long for- it all depends on our restoration. You can't find or keep good friends while you are still and irritating person to be around. And there is no way love can flourish while you are still controlling. You can't find your real purpose in life while you are still slavishly serving other people's expectation of you. You can't find peace while you are ruled by fear. You can't enjoy what you have while you are envying what the other guy has. On and on it goes...."
So that wraps it up...God is reminding me today...have a seat....look around at all that I have given to you...smell the fresh air....be thankful for those I have given to you....be grateful for love... feel overwhelmed with gratefulness....be glad for health....feel gladness for the day....feel blessed with friendship...be happy.... continue in self control.....be free.....my burden is light...my yoke is easy.... hand over the back pack!
I needed this today, Tracy. Recently, God asked me to do something that was hard for me. My husband even thought I might be a little crazy, but I chose to be obedient to Christ. Following that obedient act. I have found myself in some very difficult situations. Things that (realistically) aren't my doing, but things that have left me feeling inadequate, alone, unsupported, and the worst.... feelings of people not liking me. While reading this, it dawned on me. Maybe my act of obedience was enough to get Satan's attention. I guess this is the part where I'm supposed to "count it all joy." And yet, in my humanness, I want acceptance and love. Time to give this burden to Jesus and remember that He alone knows my heart. I don't need man's acceptance... thanks for the reminder.
ReplyDeleteHey Julie...thanks for the feedback on this blog. I am and have been praying for you. Mans acceptance will never be found in this earth. I think that there is just brokenness here in relationships and so seeking for affirmation from even our loved ones, just may not come to us even though we know we are doing the "right" thing. The hard choices we make btw usually are balked at by our "Christian" friends and loved ones...sounds like to me..if satan is working this hard against you...you are on the right track. Love you Julie:)
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