My Old Friend...Inner Turmoil

This story is referring back to an incident that happened last week to me. I have these beautiful American Indian choker necklaces that my husband bought for me, that I absolutely love. I have 2..one is black with the white bone..the other is brown wood-like beads with black. I chose to wear the black with brown and I went to town, into Walmart..thinking nothing of my amazing necklace...but someone else did. I noticed some folks were looking at my neck. Now please don't think me vain, but I am sure any woman reading this blog will agree (if she is honest with herself)  that she has been there...she has felt this at some point. We all have....
So I grab my cell phone out of my purse and call my
 daughter...and I ask this question. Mind you I am currently swallowing any pride I have by even typing this today. The conversation begins like this, "Lindsay this is mom.. I was wondering something..you wouldn't let me go out of the house looking weird or stupid...would you?" Lindsay replies, "No Mom..why are you asking..did something happen?" I say, "Well  kind of ...some people are staring at my Indian necklace..the ones your dad bought me...and a couple even walked by me and said..."did you see that lady wearing that..Indian necklace?" Lindsay states, "Mom you look great with it on..don't worry what others say..I love them on you and you love them..most of all Dad loves them, so that is all that matters, besides don't worry what they say, you like them right?" I say, "Yeah..you are right..I love it...its me."

I love it...it's me...so why did I feel like I still needed to take it off when I got out to my car? Oh yes......I recognize my "old friend"...inner turmoil. So you know what I did? I left it on...because I love it...it is me.

So telling you that story from a week ago, that brings me to the event that happened again to me yesterday. I woke up early to go to the doctors office. I was getting ready and again I grabbed for my Indian necklace the black and white one...looks a lot like the one in the pic above. I tie it on, go to the full length mirror and again my "old friend"..inner turmoil...shows up again. He (inner turmoil) says, " Don't wear this...you look ridiculous and you know what happened last week...hmmm? right...you remember?" I don't listen..I wear it anyways. I get to the doctors office sit down in a small waiting area and immediately a women sitting diagonal from me says, "oh mam..I love your necklace..its so cool!" I thank her, but what she doesn't know about was the inner turmoil that I had that morning. Isn't that amazing that my God loves me so much that he knew exactly what to do to defeat the inner beast within me.

Come on now...don't judge me! We have all done it. Are we a vain people..God says we are. Even the most humblest person still sees their flaws and secretly within wishes they could change it. How many of us sit in the mirror and suck it in and think...man that looks so much better. I know I have grabbed at my "kangaroo pouch" that has so willingly held and nurtured 4 kids and I thought to myself..man I would love to have a tummy tuck...it would make me feel so much better. What about the arms...I did that just yesterday...grabbed my flesh hanging under my arm and thought to myself..."yeah...that's a skinny arm...I would look so much better if I had arms like that.!"

When I was at the doctors office this week I read an article in "Womens Journal". A man that had been married for ten years wrote a three page article on the way women are. He stated several things that bothered him about women. First he said he wouldn't know what a split end was even if you showed him...he said he didn't understand the obsession with perfect hair...like on all the shampoo commercials. Then he talked about "fake" breasts and how the majority of men like natural ladies and how men truly like all different sizes and shapes...not unreal fake breasts. He stated that it actually saddened him to go to the beach or pool and see so many beautiful women hiding themselves under big dresses because they are so insecure of themselves because of a little jiggle or cellulite. He even said that fake lips..those that have been injected are just plain scary to him! Then he mentioned the stomach of his wife and how he thought it was a beautiful thing, because it held within it the life of both of his kids. He actually said that it made him think how strong she was to carry their children and bear them...he loved her stomach!

When did we become such a nation! That we as women think "stick thin" is the way to be. We get bombarded by it at the grocery store just trying to buy our Totino's Pizza Rolls for the kids, Ore Ida frozen French Fries and "all beef" hotdogs! Good grief...we're moms and we are trying our best to be the part of....everything. The mom,the wife, the Sunday School teacher, the super model! Yikes!! And yes...our old friend..."inner turmoil"..plays his part too.

So back to my Indian necklace..this is something I read on-line...interesting:

Man, from the earliest times, has considered the adornment of his person to be as necessary as food and shelter. The Indians of the Southwest are no exception. They have loved fine jewelry, esteemed it as wealth, and worn it profusely. Today the use of Indian jewelry has spread far beyond its original boundaries and its appreciation has become world-wide.

Has the appreciation spread world wide? I know my inside...it likes to keep me in the norm of society...never step out and wear what I love...because "someone might say something."  I mean it wasn't like I was wearing a tube top or something! So today I rest in the peace of my God and know that when my old friend, "inner turmoil" shows up, God does too. It will be at the perfect time and perfect place we need that encouragement. But this is the catch. If I hadn't defeated my inner turmoil and wore my amazing necklace....I would have never heard the lady in the waiting rooms words of encouragement. Sometimes  you just got to step out in faith and God will do the rest. Oh by the way thats me with my one of my necklaces on...did I tell you that I love my Indian necklaces? ;)