Realization...the Aftermath of Haiti

As I reflect on my trip to Haiti I am utterly dumbfounded at the person that left the USA and the person I

now look at in this reflection before me. Of only one of the many life changing occurrences in this heart of mine, lies but one secret that I locked up so tight that I wasn't even aware that a key was available to unlock this within me! You see ever since I was but a youth, the reflection I envisioned and beheld in the mirror was one that needed daily discretion as well as many daily nods of disapproval in my minds eye. For instance..me "Well this is fat..this is bad" etc. I understand that God formed me. I understand that all too well. I know what the Bible states. Also I know what every TV commercial and every magazine and every check-out in America says to me. Myself (especially a woman), I would think that the lies within my own head would abate after 41 years, but it only worsened. The amazing thing about going to Haiti, a third world country, is seeing that many of them found beauty in so little.

They found God's creation beautiful. I had a Haitian woman come up to me and my daughter, grab our faces, stroke our shoulders, caress our hair and speak in such loving and pointed way. She states over and over "Tre' Bell", meaning beautiful.

Tre'Bell (beautiful) Haitian woman

When I looked into her  beautiful brown eyes, I felt as if God was saying directly to my feminine heart, yes Tracy you are beautiful, you are here for a purpose to fulfill for Me, I am a jealous God, you are mine and your full, whole purpose is to serve Me and fulfill my directives for your life. I mean "wow!" Here I thought I was going to this country to help the Haitians and what a work God was doing within me! The key to this part of my life was found, the door was opened and junk and yuckiness revealed itself. God began that very day to heal me.

 What an experience to be with these people that love you, hug you, and yes even try to barter for my clothing I was wearing! They have little, yet they have more than most people here in America! They serve God, my Abba Father with all they have! They even sing a song about the Holy Spirit using every part of their bodies to

Hands holding the world in Haiti

worship the Lord! What a healing balm to my soul! Going to Haiti has undoubtedly made me a better person. Bringing this kind of worship and self acceptance has helped my relationship with my Lord and my earthly relationships as well. 


As I have been reading this week in the book of James, chapter 4 verse 8, "Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands you  sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded." How double minded I left America and I realize a double minded man is unstable in all of his ways. It is good to know that the Lord has given me direction towards medical missions and although I struggle daily being double minded, I know that today I will keep my mind on the Lord and let Him direct my path. As Tolkein wrote in the book  Lord of the Rings  "Your time will come. You will face the same evil, and you will defeat it!" I end this with Tre' Bell!

Me with some of our translators in Haiti